Helping Kids with Homework: The Do’s and Don’ts

Written by Lori Toney, English teacher, educational writer and mother of three school children

As kids grow up and progress through elementary school, homework becomes a reality of everyday family life. Whereas toddlers and preschoolers learn for fun and enrichment, the activities and work a school-aged child brings home becomes an obligation; one that often becomes more challenging as they grow older.

As both a parent and educator, I understand the importance of homework as well as the frustration that many families face when kids struggle not only the workload, but with skills they are asked to practice at home while outside of the careful guidance of their teacher. If a student is struggling to grasp the day’s lesson, asking them to practice that skill at home may seem like a frustratingly impossible task. And this is usually where parents step in to offer homework help.

For parents, it’s only natural to want to help our kids be successful and understand the material taught in class. After all, adults have already mastered the concepts grade schoolers are learning and can step in to reinforce the tough lesson taught in class. Families also act as a child’s first teachers, and they are vitally important to supporting their education.

On the flip side, I’ve seen such homework help go awry as a teacher. Sometimes parents get frustrated when their child isn’t “getting it”, and resort to doing the work for them. Other times, parents teach concepts, especially math, the same way that they were taught, which is proves to be problematic when teaching methods have dramatically changed over the years. And even as a mother myself, I have been guilty of giving exactly the wrong type of support to my own children. How can this be? The answers are more complicated than you may realize.

Let’s review a list of do’s and don’ts to better guide your family’s homework sessions in a way that avoids common pitfalls while learning how to support your kids’ education in the very best way. 

What TO DO When Offering Your Child Homework Help

• Do set aside a time that will help both you and your child focus—and not directly after school, unless you and they prefer it. We all need a break sometimes, and while sitting down to complete homework right after school gets it out of the way, both kids and their parents are likely feeling fatigue from a long day spent at work and class.
  
  
• Do find a place that is relatively free from distractions and constructive for learning. This may seem obvious; most of us know to avoid completing homework in bed and to turn off the TV. But will the dog bark at you to play? Will the cat climb all over your desk? It’s important to consider variables that may not have accounted for previously.
  
  
• Do communicate and work with teachers to find out the strategies being taught in class. You may not like or agree with the current methods for teaching math and reading but teaching children to complete work your way will not help them to pass a quiz, test, or assignment that requires them to show their work using the strategies taught in class. Instead, support the teacher and reach out if you are unsure of the methods used in specific classes.
  
  
• Do guide your child to come to the correct conclusions or answers on their own instead of simply telling them or solving a problem for them. Ask probing questions to help nudge kids in the right direction and redirect them back to the question when they get off topic. For instance, if a student is being asked to identify the main idea of a story, sometimes they get off topic by recalling something they remember about a major character, or they may randomly pick a small detail out of a paragraph to claim as a main idea. Instead, redirect by acknowledging what they said and asking how that detail or character relates to an idea the author is trying to convey.
  
  
• Do acknowledge and validate your learner’s efforts, even if they are struggling. Reinforce that idea that we all learn through our struggles and mistakes by solving the challenges and obstacles in our lives.

What NOT TO DO when helping with homework

• Don’t complete the work for them. There’s no doubt that it can be frustrating when a child simply doesn’t “get it”. Parents are adults with many responsibilities, so it’s tempting to just get the work done by completing it and justifying it as “modeling” the process. However, this is a good way to guarantee that they won’t learn the skill, and even worse, may become dependent on you completing his or her work for them. As a high school teacher, this becomes glaringly obvious to me when a student is unable to perform in class, but the work they turn in from home is perfect.
  
  
• Don’t get frustrated or let kids see your frustration if they are struggling to comprehend the material or the help you are providing them. If they pick up on your emotions, they may believe that you are angry or disappointed with them, leading to insecurity and feelings of shame. Instead, when basic comprehension falters, it’s a clear sign that you both need a break, and the teacher should be contacted for further help.
  
  
• Don’t pressure your child to produce flawless work; they should do the best they can, but they shouldn’t feel the need to worry about the homework they completed long after they finished it.

For many families, it’s hard to find the balance needed to offer homework help effectively. Sometimes what is meant as well-meaning support ends with frustrated kids, parents, and sometimes teachers. It’s important to remember to stay positive, supportive, and to step in when they struggle, but to take breaks and consult the teacher if it’s something that can’t be solved quickly. Ultimately, the goal is always to support the child’s learning and growth and not to simply make it easier for them.

To find more homework practice for your elementary student, check out Kids Academy Classroom. In it, you can create custom interactive lessons on a different topics of use our collections of ready-made lessons created and curated by professional educators.